I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. I’ve never felt that I was pretty or beautiful. I always tried to wear clothes that wouldn’t show my body. I would look for anything to cover myself up with. I’ve always been a plus size girl who didn’t like what she saw in the mirror.
I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2015. After struggling with my weight and body issues, the symptoms of this disorder brought many more. It seemed like I could never love myself. On top of my weight, now I had to worry about facial hair, acne, and anything else that would come up because of this disorder. I wanted to shut myself away forever.
Then, in early 2016 I got engaged to my high school sweetheart. I had started eating better and doing some work outs. I tried coming out of my shell, even though I didn’t want to. The minute I got engaged, I knew I wanted to do a boudoir photo shoot for fiance as a wedding gift. He has always made sure I was comfortable. He always reminded me that I’m beautiful, that he loved me for me, flaws and all.
Lindsay Rae Photography kept popping up on my Facebook page. And I would go through her website and look at all of the beautiful women on her blogs. I loved her work, and what she did. But I never thought I could do it. There was no way that I could be that gorgeous! But I convinced myself to reach out, and once I reached out, I agreed to do a shoot.
I cannot even begin to describe how nervous I was to do this. I’ve never worn lingerie in my life! I almost cancelled multiple times because I just couldn’t accept myself. But I kept my appointment, and I am so glad that I did. My heart was pounding in my chest as I walked up to the loft. The second I entered that room and met Lindsay and Erin, every fear that I had melted away. It was like I had known them forever. Suddenly I wasn’t afraid to show so much of myself to another person. I was comfortable just being me.
The photos we took that day have literally changed the entire perspective that I have of myself. I’m a beautiful, sexy, curvy woman. I’m so much more than my body. Who would have thought that a single photo shoot, and two amazing people could change someone’s life so much?