Read this one…don’t stop reading until the end. Then check out her gorgeous art! Girl has something to say and we need to listen:
“I’m not sure where to start or exactly why I was filled with so much emotion during my reveal (Yes, I ugly cried) so I thought I would start with a quote that speaks to the depths of my soul….
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” ~unknown
I remember the exact day I read this quote. It hit me so hard I dropped to the floor and started to cry (yes, I’m a crier) this is how my soul reacts when it’s happy or sad. I’ve always been a very ‘emotional’ person even at a very young age I felt things differently than others. I saw the world very differently, but I always kept that side of me to myself… you see I grew up in a very traditionally Latin and religious home. If you know anything about this you know it was a very strict household. I was not allowed to do a lot of things. Can’t be too loud or rowdy, like the boys. As a good Christian girl, I had certain expectations that were always placed on me and they had everything to do with behaving well, how others saw you, what the thought and lets be real being a lesser version of who I really was. I became really good at hiding this side of me from everyone – even my closest friends. I became a master at hiding my true feelings behind my bitch persona. I built this wall around me so others could not see what I was working on behind that wall. It took me years….. YEARS, but finally when I hit 40/yrs (yes it’s cliché but so fuckin spot on) something inside me exploded. The tired warrior inside me said ENOUGH! And with that my journey of unbecoming everything I wasn’t began. It wasn’t all roses and cotton candy…. Tearing down one’s own wall of security is a scary AF thing to do. Standing there in all your naked glory for the whole world to see who you really are is one of the most liberating things a woman can ever do for herself – and for all the women whose lives she’ll touch. But with this new found self came the loss of a few so called friends. As well as, looks and comments from many – my family included. This was tough. As much as I didn’t want to care what others thought of me – I did. I cared a lot. How can others criticize me for being me? How can you be mad, or jealous because I want to live my authentic life. I don’t understand the women who bash other women for fighting so hard to love who they are… what you see on the outside does not always match what’s going on the inside. Just because you see a woman who looks well put together, has a great group of friends, a smile on her face, an adoring husband, two kids and a white picket fence (ok, no white picket fence but you get the idea) does not mean she isn’t struggling with her own insecurities. I’m a firm believer in empowered women – empower women. So I make it a point to try and pull up my fellow Queens every chance I get. I’m still very much a work in progress and I’ll always be, but I find great power in uplifting other women. I’m a woman’s woman 1000% and even more so now this day and age… we need one another more than ever. I would never judge another woman for owning her shit, working through it and coming out on the other side scarred up and tattered, but still standing with some extra sass in her step because of all she has fought. We are all in this together ladies. It’s us against the rules and restrictions pinned on us because we have a vagina. If I could wave a wand so every woman could love herself unconditionally I would do it in a heartbeat and boy would this world change with some quickness.
When I walked into Lindsay’s studio I immediately felt as ease and all my insecurities went right out the door. Being surrounded by these 3 strong women (Erin and Randi) who made me feel like a Kardashian…. Minus all the filters. Lol I have never felt more beautiful and sexy. I can do pretty. I love getting all glammed up and dressing for the occasion but sexy is not something I can naturally pull off. It’s just not something I was ever comfortable with. Remember my religious upbringing… sexy is not a good thing. Ugh! By the time I got the nude portion of my shoot I felt unbelievably comfortable in my own skin. I’ve never felt this way before. It was something very different for me. I dropped all the negative thoughts that cluttered my head. I said FU to all the shit I carried with me for years. Stripping down to nothing (literally) felt like I was once again stripping down the walls I didn’t know I had put back up… However, this time, this time it was different in a way I can’t totally articulate so I’ll use another quote….
“the older I get, the more I see how women are described as having gone mad, when what they’ve actually become is knowledgeable and powerful and fucking furious.” –Sophie Heawood
Yes, I’ve gone mad. Yes, I’ve gained knowledge. And yes, I’m powerful and fuckin furious but the best part is…. We all are.
I know I’m not alone when I say thank you, Lindsay for loving what you do and allowing me to share my feelings about the day I stripped it all down so you could show me who I was always meant to be.
So much love, ~ Mrs. R”
Hair and Makeup by Erin Marie Artistry
Blue Bodysuit from The Shops at The Loft